I have come to realize that my personal happiness and well being is very much dependent upon how "clean" I am before Holy God, on a moment by moment basis. My sin affects the flow of my relationship with God, my relationship with others, and the weight of my spirit (because sin creates baggage).
My God calls me to confession. In order to walk free and have clean hands and a pure heart before Him, I must know His Word so I can quickly recognize my transgressions, and repent of my sins. When my sins are forgiven, they are lifted up and carried away by Christ; consequences may remain, but my due punishment is cancelled. The pardon of my sin then eases my burden...the "heavy burden, like a load on the back, that makes [me] stoop, or a load in the stomach, that makes [me] sick, or a load on the spirit, that makes [me] sink." (Matthew Henry) Sin lays me low in the Father's presence, and when my conscience is awakened, makes me loathe myself, too. Only when I have recognized my sin and repented of it to the Father am I reconciled with Him. In repenting I must turn away with no plans to sin in that way again, for sin is the curse that obstructs the blessings of the Lord, renders me unfit before the Father, ineffective in ministry, and weighs my spirit down. Forgiveness is the method God has appointed to give rest to our souls. And in forgiveness, freedom is of found.
Father God, My greatest desire is to walk freely in Your presence with clean hands and a pure heart. I want to daily abide in You. I want the overflow of Jesus in me to be a blessing to those around me. I confess that I have not been filling up on You to that point for the better part of two years. I ask for Your forgiveness and am grieved over all the instruction and nuggets of wisdom I have missed out on because of my limited time in Your Word. In my busyness, in brokenheartedness, and in putting sleep in place of You, I am truly the one who has missed out - and my obedience to write fell to the wayside. Thank You Jesus for Your forgiveness. In my disobedience my soul has been unsettled. Help me now to find my rest in You. In Jesus' trustworthy name I pray, amen.