Thursday, January 26, 2012

He is Tending to Me

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6:26 (NIV84)

Wow…it’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged. I have sort of been in hiding. Much “life” has happened and though my desire to write has remained, my time has been short and even more than that, my words have been few.

Life does happen, but I don’t like it when it gets me off track. I ran off the road after things like change of job and schedule and season piled up, topped off by deep disappointment in some things for me, and unexpected health concerns in our family.

As I was driving home this morning I began to ponder my personal responses in those “life” situations. I thought about how most of us are wired as fight or flight people, but then I realized how I can flip-flop. For many, many months I have allowed the things mentioned above to distract me from diligent time in the Word. I haven’t been in fight mode. It seems I reserve that more for crises. 

Growing up, moments of trauma or crisis often caused the flight response in me. So much so that God seemed to use it to allow me to block memories until I was spiritually strong enough to work through them. Having since been set free from those things, it seems as though God has shifted the pendulum. In most traumatic things He now gives me the ability to be strong and fight during the crisis, and graciously holds much of my emotion at bay, letting it catch up with me later after things settle.

This week however, I seem to be a flip-flop. After heading in to a follow-up doctor appointment hopeful after my husband’s recent heart attack, and receiving news different than we expected, I have struggled to stay present and fight and not resort to the flight response. I have been overwhelmed with tough stuff including drastic dietary changes and feelings of the enemy trying to isolate us (after all we love fellowshipping with friends and food!). For the last two days – and maybe even some today as I write this - I feel like I’d rather pull the covers over my head and try again next week.

But God... God is tending to me in my plight. Before my day even started He had graciously put me on the mind of two friends who checked in with me by text. Yesterday He reminded me as I made a call through tears that He tends to the needs of the birds of the air when a beautiful feathered friend perched itself on my car – and how much more He will care for me (Matthew 6:26). Then He graced me with lunch and lovely conversation with a dear friend and put others in my path at just the right time. The day before, He started the day by giving a friend discernment and scripture before we headed to the doctor. And He made sure my close friend was home and available afterward when I needed to pour out my heart and cry. That night He had others call or text to express their love and concern for us. I know He knows, and I know He sees. I know He is tending to me.

Through much prayer (maybe even a little whining), lots of tears, and the prayer and encouragement of good friends, I feel a bit more resolve today. Prayer works wonderfully that way. For days I have tried to be a woman of few words because I was thankful the Lord was allowing my Michael to press on with such a positive outlook, and I didn’t want to bring him down. But truthfully, I needed a few days to catch up! Days filled with prayer and time to soak up the scriptures He’s given me to cling to, time to pour out my heart to a girlfriend or two, time to fill my head repetitively with the song He’s given me to praise Him with. The final turning point may have been the words of my daughter’s devo this morning that reminded me “troubles will come” and only eternity will be “trouble free”. As my life verse (Proverbs 3:5) and the title of her devotion says, I need to “Trust Him Anyway”! Today I feel God starting to restore my strength so that I can fight again. He’s making my footing sure and planting me back on solid ground. He is tending to me.

The Lord is good and His plans are good – yes, even for me and my family. And if I really want the knowledge and discernment I have been asking Him for, He’s revealed it will more often than not, come through affliction (Psalm 119:66-72). Gulp…lump in my throat! I guess I need to be ready.

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